Skip to main content


Showing posts from May, 2011

New Thoughts About Old Thoughts

So today I was going through a bunch of old notebooks I had stashed away in one of my dresser drawers. I was curious what kinds of things I had written in these things, some of which date back to my first years of high school.

A few observations:

1) I had an awesome sense of humor. Where did that go?

2) My memories of the past often do not include my emotional state of the time. I read many entries about how miserable I was at certain points of my life, and I have a hard time remembering those feelings.

3) To build on #2, my past feelings aren't the only things that are unrecognizable. Some of those things were written by an entirely different person, somebody I would hardly recognize as myself were I to have coffee with him today.

4) My handwriting varies from wildly illegible to quite good. Why the hell didn't I just always write in the latter style?

5) Some of the events I wrote about are still too painful for me to re-read, even after years of distance.

6) Nevertheless, I found t…

Why the City Gets Me Down

In March, I'm taking a much-needed leave of the city.

Kansas City, thank you for the music, the food, the museums, and the hot hang-out spots, but frankly, you can go to Hell.

A few weeks ago, I found myself standing at my window as the sun was setting, contemplating the streets and buildings below me. What I said came out almost automatically:

"Every man, woman, and child in this city will die by my hand."

Yep. I need a vacation.

The city is just too full of people. Every day that passes, I feel my patience for other people waning, my disgust bubbling over. In traffic, in the suburbs, in the library - it doesn't matter where I am - the people that surround me are rude, ignorant, or worse.

Sometimes, I watch the sun go down over the West Bottoms from the edge of the park across the street. I like to watch the traffic, the trains, and the people in miniature. It's like a little anthill down there. Usually, an eagle or a flock of crows will catch my attention,  will fasc…