Skip to main content

Another Birthday


Well, today I'm 19. Dad and I celebrated last night, because he's been gone today to watch some racing in Topeka with family. I almost got to come along, but the situation was complicated, and the circumstances turned out against me. My dad was really disappointed that I couldn't come. That was okay by me; I'm not the kind to get excited over automobile racing. However, it does mean that I'm spending my birthday approximately 90 miles from my nearest friend or family member.

Why is it that painful memories all seem to come back on holidays? Maybe it's just because I have more time to think today. It hardly matters. I thought I could spend the day listening to good music, or watching movies, or reading a good book, perhaps. Instead, for some reason, I've been spending most of the day trying not to cry. I think it's good, though. Everybody needs those kind of days now and then to vent bottled up feelings, I guess.

Perhaps I'll start writing a novel today. I've wanted to write a novel for a good while. My mom wrote one, although it hasn't yet been published. Oddly, I find that I'm the most insightful when I feel sad. When I'm content, I busy myself with everyday obligations, and when I'm angry, I become just plain unreasonable, but when I'm sad, I think harder than normal. And I don't mean "think harder" as in pouring more brain power into solving a dilemma or being witty; rather, I introspect. Also, I consider the blessings and curses that come with having close relationships with friends and family. And I realize how much they all mean to me.

I regret few things in my life. Today wouldn't look quite right if did my life over again and changed things. By God's grace, I don't intend on having any major regrets in my life. I think I'm preparing myself for the future, keeping my ducks in line, and so forth, all the while acknowledging that nobody has been able to do it, and nor will I be able to do it. But I try my best. I'm trying to live healthier, build character, become responsible, and have more fun doing it. Hopefully I will be able to change the world while I'm at it, or at least a few lives.

Should I write a funny novel or a serious one? I'm not into scary books, and I couldn't write one if I tried. Perhaps suspense. Perhaps a tragedy. Who knows, I may be able to write a good love story. I could write an autobiography and further dramatize my life. I find that people my age like to dramatize their lives. I'm sure we'll grow out of it - perhaps once we figure out that our lives are no more dramatic than Uncle Eugene's was when he was a teenager. I don't really have an Uncle Eugene.

So, 19 years are tallied away, and I reckon I have at least 45 more to go. Hopefully I'll grow wise with age, and not turn out to be the creepy old guy in town who talks to himself as he walks down the street. I'd like to be able to drink coffee once a week with my friends, like my Grandpa Thane. Maybe I'll get a dog like my friend's dog, Rae. She's a peaceful dog. I've met a few cats during my life that I have liked, too. I still have a few years before I have to take on that kind of responsibility, thankfully.

Well, I feel a lot better after writing this. It's great to be able to write things down for total strangers to see. Maybe on July 4th I'll pour out some more repressed feelings. Ciao!
1 comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reaction to Dante's Hell as Portrayed in Dante's Inferno

Since its Patristic roots, the Church has struggled with two seemingly contradictory aspects of God's nature. One one hand, God is said to be loving and caring towards his creation. At the same time, however, God is seen as a judge, dealing out justice to all according to their actions. Some Christians have argued that God, due to his overabundance of love, can never punish or cause harm. Other Christians have no qualms in maintaining that a loving God sends people to Hell, even against their own will. Most fall in between these two extremes. I would maintain that Dante's view of punishment in Hell errs on the side of the latter extreme, given the assumption of a loving God as described in Christian literature. The God portrayed in Dante's Inferno punishes based on gross oversimplifications. His God ignores the larger picture of human psychology and sociological influences in addition to the rehabilitative capacities of wrongdoers.

Good parents do not punish their children …

The Clink (New Friends)

Each other is all we have. It's no surprise, then, that when we think about the chapters of our lives, those chapters usually begin and end with the beginning and ending of relationships. My current chapter began in July 2016, when I made the move from Philadelphia to Denver. In many ways, it was the fulfillment of a promise made between Peace Corps friends; Carly, Evan, and I spoke often of our desire to live in the same place some day, and after two wonderful years spent with Kyla, it was time for me to join them.

The great advantage to this arrangement is that Evan and Carly had been cultivating friends in my absence, so upon my arrival last summer, I was met with a wonderful group of people who had been carefully conditioned by Evan and Carly to like me.

Readers of this blog will remember Evan and Carly from my Peace Corps days. They were the closest I had to family for two years, and by the end of our service, we were inseparable.


Evan

Pappy. Pop-pop. Dilly-dally. Evan is know…

Love in the Peace Corps

I joined the Peace Corps because I wanted to connect with the rest of the world, to see life from the perspective of the oppressed, to spread joy and wonder and curiosity to new places. I did not join, in other words, to find a girlfriend.
Why was it then, that as soon as I walked into my hotel in Philadelphia, I felt like a college freshman? I couldn't get through my first elevator ride without my heart-rate increasing and my breath shortening.
The feeling returned during our introductory meetings: the nervousness, the flurry of disordered thinking that accompanied moments of eye contact.
Damn you, body. Why must you sabotage everything good in this world?
I talked this over with my friend Ted on day one in Morocco. I was prepared for the bugs and dirt and cultural difficulties that come with Peace Corps, but nothing could prepare me for the onslaught of charming, independent-minded, attractive girls that I would be meeting throughout those first weeks. He agreed. It was eerie how ma…