Skip to main content

A desperate man's last thoughts

the door the door stay out of its way flat against the wall back to the wall quiet. breathe. mask on gun loaded bag ready. no identifying marks? good. breathe.

...

ready. try the handle GENTLE now, damn it. dark and quiet this is eerie as hell is this hell? too harsh - everybody has to eat

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hungry men sometimes must steal in order to survive. Sure, they can beg. The rude ones beg. The lazy ones beg. Or, they can go house-to-house, stealing food from this person and that. But multiple thefts increase the likelihood of getting caught, and besides, why inconvenience so many people? That's just as rude as the bum on the street. Much more polite to find a rich person (they deserve it anyway, more often than not) and make one big steal. A frugal guy can eat for quite a while off of one good steal. Maybe his entire life.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

stairs are really quiet - carpeted - good. ears, quiet! ironic, a man's eardrums waking the homeowner focus! jewelry, bedroom most likely. against wall again listen.

...

anybody in there? no one to be seen damned dark! go forth SLOWLY slowly creep through !!! rustling? hold breath adjust, damned eyes! what am I doing I'm going to be caught killed this wasn't worth-- MOVEMENT!! ... oh jesus, it's just the dog. just the dog, jesus a dog. fucking dog. bark? bark? bark? no, licking my leg hahahaha quiet now

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upon suspecting a great threat, the body boosts its secretion of the hormone epinephrine. It's most immediate effect is to stimulate the fight or flight response in the individual. Epinephrine also dilates the air passages and increases the heart rate. With a high enough dosage of epinephrine, the weakest, atrophied slouch will feel god-like. Even after the fear is neutralized, the effects of epinephrine linger. Momentarily, in such a state of perceived invincibility, coupled with extreme relief, the sneakiest thief can let his guard down and do something stupid, like laugh out loud in an occupied house.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

oh no. no no no no no. they heard me it's over over can I hide no! they heard me already, didn't they? heard "someone there?" I know I heard-- footsteps in hall -- shit! gun ready--

"Hello? Somebody in there?"

....

"Hello? ..."

...

"Jackson, boy, was that you?"
"Honey? What's wrong?"
"I thought I heard laughter from this room."
mumbled, hushed
"Jackson ---- ----- acting ----- ----- the room. As if.. as ----- ------- ------ the police."
"------ ---- downstairs, I'll check -----


I can't kill a man he has a wife maybe kids? prison's not so bad at least I get fed FUCKING society! should have been a socialist should ha-- shit I'm no good death death? death. not bad make it clean for these folks sweaty palms gun hot trigger cold oooh barrel cold on my temple figure in door going for light switch god forgive me

----------------------------------------------------------------------

With a large enough dosage of epinephrine a man might even believe in the survival of his own suicide. Maybe the thief believed his bullet would be a kind of Juliet's poison. Maybe he was too cowardly to look the husband in the eye. Or embarrassed. Or maybe he was just desperate, so very utterly desperate for an out.

A suicide candidate can easily botch a shot to the head. Aimed below the eyes, the bullet will probably only damage the bone structure of the face. Too forward, and the bullet may only damage the frontal lobe, a relatively recent evolutionary add-on, not necessary for survival. Even if the bullet is aimed into the center of the brain, the bullet could still take a path that misses any vital parts, merely taking away speech, memory, emotion, or any other part of the brain that makes humans something more than featherless ducks.

But when done right, and with a little bit of luck, a properly-aimed bullet can shut down the part of the brain that gives a person self-awareness. Although the body may continue to be alive, medically, the person is, in effect, instantly eliminated, along with any feelings of hunger, epinephrine, or desperation.
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Clink (New Friends)

Each other is all we have. It's no surprise, then, that when we think about the chapters of our lives, those chapters usually begin and end with the beginning and ending of relationships. My current chapter began in July 2016, when I made the move from Philadelphia to Denver. In many ways, it was the fulfillment of a promise made between Peace Corps friends; Carly, Evan, and I spoke often of our desire to live in the same place some day, and after two wonderful years spent with Kyla, it was time for me to join them.

The great advantage to this arrangement is that Evan and Carly had been cultivating friends in my absence, so upon my arrival last summer, I was met with a wonderful group of people who had been carefully conditioned by Evan and Carly to like me.

Readers of this blog will remember Evan and Carly from my Peace Corps days. They were the closest I had to family for two years, and by the end of our service, we were inseparable.


Evan

Pappy. Pop-pop. Dilly-dally. Evan is know…

Reaction to Dante's Hell as Portrayed in Dante's Inferno

Since its Patristic roots, the Church has struggled with two seemingly contradictory aspects of God's nature. One one hand, God is said to be loving and caring towards his creation. At the same time, however, God is seen as a judge, dealing out justice to all according to their actions. Some Christians have argued that God, due to his overabundance of love, can never punish or cause harm. Other Christians have no qualms in maintaining that a loving God sends people to Hell, even against their own will. Most fall in between these two extremes. I would maintain that Dante's view of punishment in Hell errs on the side of the latter extreme, given the assumption of a loving God as described in Christian literature. The God portrayed in Dante's Inferno punishes based on gross oversimplifications. His God ignores the larger picture of human psychology and sociological influences in addition to the rehabilitative capacities of wrongdoers.

Good parents do not punish their children …

Morocco, Land of Ambiguity

The sun was pummeling me. On my shoulders and on the back of my skull. When Moroccans catch the sniffles, they say "The cold hit me." On this particular afternoon in Sidi Bennour, as I wandered from street to street, that bully Sol took no mercy, and as my fragile frame absorbed each blow, I could feel the scorn from the sun, the mocking and scorn, and not just from celestial bodies, but Arab bodies as well, from behind their piles of watermelon and cactus carts, straw hats and tooth-ish grins going "What is this white guy doing wandering around here in the middle of the afternoon?"


What I was doing was looking for a damned pair of socks. Eventually, I found a guy selling piles of used clothes. There appeared to be no order to the mess, so I just asked him if he sold any packages of socks. Hell, I didn't know. I've witnessed butchers selling toothbrushes on the side. Anyway, I might as well have asked the man if he had any poisonous snakes for sale. He could…